Things that annoy me

Yes I suck for not posting more often, but can we get back to that later?
I am super duper bugged about something right now (wow, did that really sound as 2nd grade as I think it did?)
So we got our first semester results today. I was expecting something in 70s (which was bad enough as it is because it's 12th. You can't be a scholar your entire life and get casual in your senior year because the rest of it really doesn't MATTER.) so I was pretty cool when my entire class had hoarded our class teacher for a glimpse of the result (which by the way, they were going to get anyway. What was the point, guys?) but then my result was announced and I was.......not so cool after that.
I got 5-bloody-8%. You read that right. 58.
And the worst part? I actually deserve it. That right there is what is annoying the HELL out of me. Okay so I missed two tests, I had SAT to worry about and then I enrolled in this dance workshop and took part in Teachers Day but those are just what they sound like! Excuses! I know a lot of people who do so much more and yet manage to score a lot more. Heck, I used to do much more and score a lot more. What happened to me? 
I'll tell you what. I just didn't study. Really, that's the bottom line. I remember opening the Economics book one day before the test was scheduled, just because. I remember literally laughing at how abhorrently unprepared I was for the Accounts test. I remember how I totally gave up on Maths. I remember how I got 67/100 in ENGLISH. (Okay, very very frankly, that may have something to do with my teacher who hates me for no reason. I gave her reasons later to hate me more, but only AFTER it was established that she hated me. But do you take your anger out on a student's marks? That is so petty.) Anyway ENGLISH. My knight in shining armor, my Elixir of life, and it kicked me right in the face. The subject that surprisingly saved me is Business, the subject that annoys me the most ironically. 
In short I remember how extremely casually I took all the tests, and the results more than show.
True, the reason I took these tests casually was because I thought in the long run they really didn't matter, so what's the point? 
That still holds true BUT GRDGKDGWARFTWDEAWDSGDDFHDTE. I can't handle such marks. 
I know I sound completely vain and insipid right now but bear with me Blogger!

So anyway I have come up with the conclusion that marks may not matter in the long run but they do matter in the short run and that it's embarrassing the fuck out of me. Also, the worst part is that now whenever mom tells me to study I can't go all 'Just see my marks' because my marks are sadly no longer worth seeing.
Yashwi being a total darling reminded me there are mocks and two pre-boards left to study hard for and she's right but........oh my god WHY didn't I study? 
Why why why?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

I am done, I think. For the moment at least. 

Let's talk about some other things that annoy me to no end. Exhibit A, our school is conducting the half yearly exams of every class except 12th right now and as a result the students of different buses are combined while going back home, as the other students have already left. (Believe me that boring piece of information was necessary.) So anyway, a few days ago I entered the bus and sat on the second last seat like always when this teacher, who goes by some other bus but who was sitting in my bus because of the aforementioned combining of the buses, tells me to sit in front because it's a new rule that girls can't sit at the back. Excuse me, but what the fuck? I point blank refused of course. But it's been annoying me ever since anyway because IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY! What do you mean girls aren't "allowed" to sit at the back? Why the hell not? And to think that she herself is a female. It is beyond me how people find it in themselves to utter such rubbish. I was so prepared to fight her every day, I actually wanted her to take me to the co-ordinator (though I was pretty sure she wouldn't because it cannot be a rule, so what would be her grounds?) but sadly, and very annoyingly again, I couldn't go to school the next two days. The first day I missed my bus, and the second day my alarm didn't ring. (No I didn't secretly put it on silent to miss school like I sometimes do so mom won't hear it. I don't know why it happened. Maybe God wanted me to sleep?) and when today I went to school she didn't come!
Please god please, make sure our buses are combined on Monday because I SO want to make sure she knows I know what's allowed and what's not.

The other thing that's annoying me is that I am so indecisive about my future right now. October 2 is the last date for registering for SAT Subject Tests and I still can't decide if I want to sit the tests or not. I can't decide if I want to join CLAT coaching classes or not.
I decided against the coaching classes because I wanted to concentrate on 12th but we all know how THAT turned out, huh? :(
(on a side note, Blogspot, you need Emojis! Just a shoutout in the blogspot universe, let's hope someone notices it)

So any curious reader (who has managed to read thus far into this post, thankyou very much) must be wondering what exactly I am doing when I am not studying and/or doing anything else of any relevance? Well, I have come across this gem of a series that has given my life a new meaning. It is super mega foxy awesome. It's Community. Also, How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, New Girl, and Glee are back. Not to mention Vampire Diaries will be back on October 2 (THE ORIGINAL PREMIERE GUYSSS) and then there's the Pretty Little Liars Halloween special on October 22 (RAVENSWOOD TOO, YOU GUYSSSS.) 
Spoiler alert- A detailed TV obsession post coming soon..

Now just tell me, how am I supposed to find time to study? 
I know I know, it's just a matter of time before my mom pulls the plug and I shall be left in a TV-WhatsApp-Instagram-less universe. 
I won't say novels because if even I am left without novels I shall quite simply cease to exist. Which reminds me, I am FINALLY reading To Kill  A Mockingbird which is such a great book! Everything they say about it is true true true. Once I am done, I'll dedicate an entire post to it.
On a related note, is it a sin to not like The Catcher in the Rye? Because I found it so utterly boring I had to force myself through each page. Why are people so obsessed with it again? Holden Caulfield is the phoniest person alive yet everything anyone does is phony to him. The most irritating thing was that everything 'killed' him. That killed me. (Was that hypocritical?)

Oh oh oh..it's Bigg Boss time.
Yes, you can all guess how much my poor result has affected me. 
*Ashamed*
Laters, baby. 
(You still suck E.L. James)

My favorite John Green quotes

Every sane person on the face of the planet knows that John Green is a genius. He should quite simply rule the world. He is a writer you can't stop reading once you've begun. His YA characters actually have more to think about than school woes and first loves and parental problems.
I can't remember a time I haven't wondered about the secrets of the universe, about life after death, life BEFORE death. Why, what, how, when, where? John Green is evidently engrossed by such stuff too, which is why I love him so. I remember when Pudge was preparing his school project for his Religions class, where they had to form a question and attempt to answer it with help from different religions. When he forms 'What happens after death?', I literally screamed with delight..Pudge, me too me too me too! 

This particular post has been brought on by reading Paper Towns. It shouldn't be termed as a novel. It should rather be called a quotes book, packed with thought provoking and awesome quotes that can consume you. I loved Quentin's musings, Radar's Santa woes, Ben's badass-ness (or so he'd like to think) and Margo's uniqueness.
John Green says "Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting". On that note, here I go- 

Dancing blues

I realize it's been more than a month (One month, twenty days to be very accurate) since I last took out time from my not-so-busy-as-lazy life to do what I love! Imagine not even taking out time for things you love. Wow, I must have been born with some rare kind of a lazy gene, because I take slothfulness to an entirely new level.

Exhibit A- Can you believe that I slept around 4 last night (some people might call it dawn, but what the hell? It's night for me!) and woke up by 12, and I AGAIN slept at 5 in the evening? In my defence, the evening sleep lasted for less than an hour but it's still mighty unacceptable. But then again, I love sleeping, so isn't that kind of taking out time for one of the things I love? Was my mind subconsciously making up for time missed here? See, how much writing can help. I just came upon such a stunning realization.

Okay, so stunning realizations and musings aside, do you want to know WHAT has managed to keep me away from my love for such a long time, aside from the slothfulness (which can never ever go away, so I might as well stop trying)?

Well, even if you don't (though the fact that you're still reading this suggests otherwise), here's the answer-

Dancing!

*cue horrified gasps* (She dances, too?)

Yes sir. 

The last three weeks were without a doubt one of the best weeks of my entire life! (In fact, the only weeks that I can think of that have been better than these last few weeks, are the weeks that led up to my brother's wedding.) So anyway, I am sure most of you know Shiamak Davar, the pioneer choreographer, master of contemporary and modern dancing in India. He has this academy called Shiamak Davar Institute of Performing Arts, which organizes workshops and 'funks' all over the country, in an attempt to lure shy people like me to let go of their inhibitions and dance away (okay that's not exactly there only/official agenda, but that's what it means to me) And lure me they did. I joined the workshop this year and it was SUCH A BLAST. We had 18 classes of an hour each, every day, leading up to the final performances in front of a proper audience which comprised of one Master Marzi (yes, the one from Dance India Dance. Yes, the one who has such a hard time speaking Hindi.), various teachers and authorities of the school where the workshop was being held (We were the 'outsider's batch') and parents of all the people participating. 

My batch was all of 12 people, and we learned Rock n Roll/ Hip Hop on Battamiz Dil (I know I know! Common song but what can I do? We were all stuck on Ye Jawani Hai Deewani, and by the time we came to our senses, all the good ones had been taken up by the other batches.) and a little introduction into Jazz and Contemporary. I hated contemporary but I loooooooooooved jazz. 

And by 'looooooooove' I am reminded of one of the most major reasons why I am having such post-workshop blues..my dance instructor. Okay, not exactly MY dance instructor, since mine was this really sweet, perky and tiny girl called Ridhi. He was instructing some other (lucky) batch, but he came to our practice thrice, and during the course of those practices and the final rehearsals I absolutely, unconditionally and irrevocably fell in love with him. 

Okay not really, but you get what I mean right?

So one important lesson I have learned is that guys who can dance are SO HOT! :D

Honestly though, the workshop was so much fun, and I always had something to look forward to, and to keep me from having evenings like today where I fell asleep. IN THE EVENING. Just reiterating to drive home the horror. I miss the workshop to no end man! But well, it's been a week since and the blues are now almost-but-not-quite non-existent. But oh, I can't forget the first day after the workshop. I literally felt so so down that I couldn't believe it. I am SO going to be participating in all winter and summer funks they organize in the metros while I am in college.

Back to the present, while I did give a lot of time to what I love today, I also unwillingly had to give time to what I decidedly DON'T love anymore, which is Micro economics. Yeah, I have another annoying test coming up and it's made me hate Economics! Imagine, one of the few subjects that I actually liked. Thanks a lot, schoolvaalon. 

What I am reading currently (review to follow, hopefully) - It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzinni. 

My thoughts on Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

I just finished this book (like thirty minutes ago, tops), and I wanted to, no, I needed to gather my thoughts on this one while they're still fresh. This is definitely the first book I've read EVER that I can't form a proper, clear, black and white opinion on. I can't say, all in all, I liked the book, or that I didn't like it, because I don't know. There is no all in all, there are too many shades.

Let's start from the beginning. First to give you a little background, here's the synopsis- 

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

I was hooked on reading the book when I saw it on top of the 'Best Young Adult Fiction about Real Problems' list on Goodreads. Also, I will admit, that I had read all the other books on the Top 5, so I had to read the first one didn't I? 
So anyway, it was delivered to me yesterday and I started right away. I am done with it today. Now, when you get hooked on a book so bad that all you can do is read it, and when your mom forces you to study/eat/sleep/random chore, all you can do is think about it? You can't NOT like it, right? So I didn't cry at the end of the book, when I thought I would. But I kept wanting more more and more. I was mad at Hannah, and yet I felt so sorry for her at the same time.

Let me just say it, I have to get it out.
Her reasons for killing herself were JUST NOT ENOUGH. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE PEOPLE SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT YOU. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE SOMEONE PUTS YOU ON A STUPID LIST. YOU DO NOT KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE A FRIEND (not even a close one) BREAKS TIES WITH YOU.
Instead, you get hurt, take it in your stride, make new friends, move on. Focus your energy on something else. Everyone has to deal with all of this. It's part and parcel of the high school life. And if these things are building a reputation for you, isn't that better? In that way you eliminate the chance of becoming friends with people who are just not worth your time. Moreover, you find a few people who see through the bullshit and actually befriend you for YOU, in spite of the rumors or reputation or whatever. They know you for you, and they believe you, not some idiot who's got nothing to do but bitch about people.

Sure, towards the end of the book, there was some pretty dark stuff, stuff worthy enough of thinking about killing yourself, stuff that I can believe might lead some people to commit suicide. I think Hannah was raped, although I can't be sure. I mean, sure, what happened was Not Right, but can you really call it rape? Even if it wasn't consensual, it wasn't forced either. She just gave up. In fact, I think the reason she went there was because she WANTED to give up, and she needed a good reason. She admitted something to the same effect too, as far as I can remember. So that's one reason you can strike right off, because if she didn't willingly let the guy do it, in fact, if she didn't GO DOWN THERE AT ALL, when she knew she couldn't trust those people, she could have saved herself.
The other believable reason was when she let a girl get raped and didn't do anything about it, when she easily could have. Dude, it's Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince all over again! (The movie, not the book. I can never stress that enough. I mean, when the death eaters are pointing their wands at Dumbledore, Harry Potter, the real Harry Potter, would never stand there doing nothing. In the book, Dumbledore put a spell on him so he couldn't move. But in the movies? Oh well, too busy standing and making horror-struck faces to help my guide, my father figure, aren't I? Sorry for digressing.)

I have to admit that when I opened the book, I was so excited (yeah, I was excited about reading a book on why a girl killed herself, so sue me.) But with each passing cassette, my horror grew. Seriously, THIS is why she committed suicide? This is why she ended her LIFE?? Sure, I understand the snowball effect. One thing leads to another, everything affects everything and all that jazz, but isn't it a bit over-the-top and super dramatic, not to mention unnecessarily life-spoiling, for the people she blames? I still can't understand what exactly Courtney Crimsen did. So she was a fake person who just wanted everyone to like her. I ask, so what? Raise your hands if you know a person like that, have been hurt by a person like that.

Do not even get me started on poor Mr. Porter. What did the guy even do to deserve what he got? How was he supposed to know that he was the last chance a girl was betting on her life? How was he supposed to know that even after repeated attempts to stop her from going, he also had to walk out the door after her and compel her to come back and listen to him? How was he supposed to know that for that little indiscretion on his part (because it was. You're the guidance counselor. A student is contemplating suicide, and even mentions it, you have to go down on all fours and make sure s/he doesn't do it.) he would be forced to live the rest of his life in suffering, forever in the ocean of what-ifs..knowing he could somehow have altered her decision, saved her life? 
Readers will also remember that at the beginning Hannah says that Person 13 can take the tapes to hell? I mean, there's some serious animosity there. Why did she do that  to him? Didn't Bryce Walker deserve it? He fucking raped two girls. I swear when Mr. Porter's chapter was beginning, I was sure that he was going to make sexual advances towards her or something. I still don't understand WHY he's the unlucky thirteenth. He did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT AGONY.

And yet....... I liked the book. I like what's going on (or what was going on, thanks to you, Hannah) between Clay and her. The anticipation building up to her first kiss, how hurt she feels when her first boyfriend betrays her and shatters all her magical dreams, that hurtful list she had to go through, which was not only offending, but also became the final straw to end her friendship with her one true friend in school, The Peeping Tom incident which grossed her out and made her feel unsafe, how guilty she feels when she cannot save a life when she could have, by easily calling the police, or how she could have saved that same friend from getting raped, how some jerk stole off her poem, where she explored some of her deepest emotions, which she herself hadn't managed to decipher, how she feels used because boys ask her out because they think they can get her laid, I get all of that.
I understand that she must have felt really hurt and betrayed, that she must have developed major trust issues which caused her to resist opening up to the perfect guy when she should have. Those things definitely must have scarred her.
Imagine yourself hiding in the closet while your ex-best friend gets raped. Imagine the torture you'd go through when you realize that you could have VERY easily stopped it but you didn't because...no reason. You don't even have a reason! Those things definitely did hurt. 
I won't start on Hannah herself getting raped, because I think she brought that on herself, by going into the tub with a known rapist, by not stopping him when he touched her, by letting him take advantage of a girl YET AGAIN.
So what I am saying is that, I couldn't stop reading the book, because I felt really sorry for Hannah, and got disappointed with each story, because everyone she stumbled into kept hurting her some way or the other.

But none, I repeat, NONE, of the reasons were worthy enough of killing herself. I say that with complete knowledge and recollection of the fact that she was raped, but this was the TWELFTH reason, this was after she had already made up her mind, and just wanted a reason to give up, and so she set herself up. So it doesn't count. 

All in all, I'll say that I think you should read the book, because as unbelievable as the reasons when you realize that they are what led to a girl killing herself, the stories are very real when you think of high school life. The author captures most emotions beautifully. The cruelty, the nasty rumors and how people react to them has been shown perfectly .If only Hannah had fought through and hadn't decided to give up.
Most of all, the book made me call a friend that I hadn't called up in a long while. We talk on WhatsApp, the friend calls me sometimes, and we meet in school, but this book made me call her, when I hadn't wanted to in a long, long time. Because suddenly, I realized that I continue to have a major impact in the lives of people around me, and especially those who are closest to me.
One sweet word here, another compliment there, really can lighten a sorry soul.