My favorite John Green quotes

Every sane person on the face of the planet knows that John Green is a genius. He should quite simply rule the world. He is a writer you can't stop reading once you've begun. His YA characters actually have more to think about than school woes and first loves and parental problems.
I can't remember a time I haven't wondered about the secrets of the universe, about life after death, life BEFORE death. Why, what, how, when, where? John Green is evidently engrossed by such stuff too, which is why I love him so. I remember when Pudge was preparing his school project for his Religions class, where they had to form a question and attempt to answer it with help from different religions. When he forms 'What happens after death?', I literally screamed with delight..Pudge, me too me too me too! 

This particular post has been brought on by reading Paper Towns. It shouldn't be termed as a novel. It should rather be called a quotes book, packed with thought provoking and awesome quotes that can consume you. I loved Quentin's musings, Radar's Santa woes, Ben's badass-ness (or so he'd like to think) and Margo's uniqueness.
John Green says "Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting". On that note, here I go- 

Dancing blues

I realize it's been more than a month (One month, twenty days to be very accurate) since I last took out time from my not-so-busy-as-lazy life to do what I love! Imagine not even taking out time for things you love. Wow, I must have been born with some rare kind of a lazy gene, because I take slothfulness to an entirely new level.

Exhibit A- Can you believe that I slept around 4 last night (some people might call it dawn, but what the hell? It's night for me!) and woke up by 12, and I AGAIN slept at 5 in the evening? In my defence, the evening sleep lasted for less than an hour but it's still mighty unacceptable. But then again, I love sleeping, so isn't that kind of taking out time for one of the things I love? Was my mind subconsciously making up for time missed here? See, how much writing can help. I just came upon such a stunning realization.

Okay, so stunning realizations and musings aside, do you want to know WHAT has managed to keep me away from my love for such a long time, aside from the slothfulness (which can never ever go away, so I might as well stop trying)?

Well, even if you don't (though the fact that you're still reading this suggests otherwise), here's the answer-

Dancing!

*cue horrified gasps* (She dances, too?)

Yes sir. 

The last three weeks were without a doubt one of the best weeks of my entire life! (In fact, the only weeks that I can think of that have been better than these last few weeks, are the weeks that led up to my brother's wedding.) So anyway, I am sure most of you know Shiamak Davar, the pioneer choreographer, master of contemporary and modern dancing in India. He has this academy called Shiamak Davar Institute of Performing Arts, which organizes workshops and 'funks' all over the country, in an attempt to lure shy people like me to let go of their inhibitions and dance away (okay that's not exactly there only/official agenda, but that's what it means to me) And lure me they did. I joined the workshop this year and it was SUCH A BLAST. We had 18 classes of an hour each, every day, leading up to the final performances in front of a proper audience which comprised of one Master Marzi (yes, the one from Dance India Dance. Yes, the one who has such a hard time speaking Hindi.), various teachers and authorities of the school where the workshop was being held (We were the 'outsider's batch') and parents of all the people participating. 

My batch was all of 12 people, and we learned Rock n Roll/ Hip Hop on Battamiz Dil (I know I know! Common song but what can I do? We were all stuck on Ye Jawani Hai Deewani, and by the time we came to our senses, all the good ones had been taken up by the other batches.) and a little introduction into Jazz and Contemporary. I hated contemporary but I loooooooooooved jazz. 

And by 'looooooooove' I am reminded of one of the most major reasons why I am having such post-workshop blues..my dance instructor. Okay, not exactly MY dance instructor, since mine was this really sweet, perky and tiny girl called Ridhi. He was instructing some other (lucky) batch, but he came to our practice thrice, and during the course of those practices and the final rehearsals I absolutely, unconditionally and irrevocably fell in love with him. 

Okay not really, but you get what I mean right?

So one important lesson I have learned is that guys who can dance are SO HOT! :D

Honestly though, the workshop was so much fun, and I always had something to look forward to, and to keep me from having evenings like today where I fell asleep. IN THE EVENING. Just reiterating to drive home the horror. I miss the workshop to no end man! But well, it's been a week since and the blues are now almost-but-not-quite non-existent. But oh, I can't forget the first day after the workshop. I literally felt so so down that I couldn't believe it. I am SO going to be participating in all winter and summer funks they organize in the metros while I am in college.

Back to the present, while I did give a lot of time to what I love today, I also unwillingly had to give time to what I decidedly DON'T love anymore, which is Micro economics. Yeah, I have another annoying test coming up and it's made me hate Economics! Imagine, one of the few subjects that I actually liked. Thanks a lot, schoolvaalon. 

What I am reading currently (review to follow, hopefully) - It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzinni. 

My thoughts on Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

I just finished this book (like thirty minutes ago, tops), and I wanted to, no, I needed to gather my thoughts on this one while they're still fresh. This is definitely the first book I've read EVER that I can't form a proper, clear, black and white opinion on. I can't say, all in all, I liked the book, or that I didn't like it, because I don't know. There is no all in all, there are too many shades.

Let's start from the beginning. First to give you a little background, here's the synopsis- 

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

I was hooked on reading the book when I saw it on top of the 'Best Young Adult Fiction about Real Problems' list on Goodreads. Also, I will admit, that I had read all the other books on the Top 5, so I had to read the first one didn't I? 
So anyway, it was delivered to me yesterday and I started right away. I am done with it today. Now, when you get hooked on a book so bad that all you can do is read it, and when your mom forces you to study/eat/sleep/random chore, all you can do is think about it? You can't NOT like it, right? So I didn't cry at the end of the book, when I thought I would. But I kept wanting more more and more. I was mad at Hannah, and yet I felt so sorry for her at the same time.

Let me just say it, I have to get it out.
Her reasons for killing herself were JUST NOT ENOUGH. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE PEOPLE SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT YOU. YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE SOMEONE PUTS YOU ON A STUPID LIST. YOU DO NOT KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE A FRIEND (not even a close one) BREAKS TIES WITH YOU.
Instead, you get hurt, take it in your stride, make new friends, move on. Focus your energy on something else. Everyone has to deal with all of this. It's part and parcel of the high school life. And if these things are building a reputation for you, isn't that better? In that way you eliminate the chance of becoming friends with people who are just not worth your time. Moreover, you find a few people who see through the bullshit and actually befriend you for YOU, in spite of the rumors or reputation or whatever. They know you for you, and they believe you, not some idiot who's got nothing to do but bitch about people.

Sure, towards the end of the book, there was some pretty dark stuff, stuff worthy enough of thinking about killing yourself, stuff that I can believe might lead some people to commit suicide. I think Hannah was raped, although I can't be sure. I mean, sure, what happened was Not Right, but can you really call it rape? Even if it wasn't consensual, it wasn't forced either. She just gave up. In fact, I think the reason she went there was because she WANTED to give up, and she needed a good reason. She admitted something to the same effect too, as far as I can remember. So that's one reason you can strike right off, because if she didn't willingly let the guy do it, in fact, if she didn't GO DOWN THERE AT ALL, when she knew she couldn't trust those people, she could have saved herself.
The other believable reason was when she let a girl get raped and didn't do anything about it, when she easily could have. Dude, it's Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince all over again! (The movie, not the book. I can never stress that enough. I mean, when the death eaters are pointing their wands at Dumbledore, Harry Potter, the real Harry Potter, would never stand there doing nothing. In the book, Dumbledore put a spell on him so he couldn't move. But in the movies? Oh well, too busy standing and making horror-struck faces to help my guide, my father figure, aren't I? Sorry for digressing.)

I have to admit that when I opened the book, I was so excited (yeah, I was excited about reading a book on why a girl killed herself, so sue me.) But with each passing cassette, my horror grew. Seriously, THIS is why she committed suicide? This is why she ended her LIFE?? Sure, I understand the snowball effect. One thing leads to another, everything affects everything and all that jazz, but isn't it a bit over-the-top and super dramatic, not to mention unnecessarily life-spoiling, for the people she blames? I still can't understand what exactly Courtney Crimsen did. So she was a fake person who just wanted everyone to like her. I ask, so what? Raise your hands if you know a person like that, have been hurt by a person like that.

Do not even get me started on poor Mr. Porter. What did the guy even do to deserve what he got? How was he supposed to know that he was the last chance a girl was betting on her life? How was he supposed to know that even after repeated attempts to stop her from going, he also had to walk out the door after her and compel her to come back and listen to him? How was he supposed to know that for that little indiscretion on his part (because it was. You're the guidance counselor. A student is contemplating suicide, and even mentions it, you have to go down on all fours and make sure s/he doesn't do it.) he would be forced to live the rest of his life in suffering, forever in the ocean of what-ifs..knowing he could somehow have altered her decision, saved her life? 
Readers will also remember that at the beginning Hannah says that Person 13 can take the tapes to hell? I mean, there's some serious animosity there. Why did she do that  to him? Didn't Bryce Walker deserve it? He fucking raped two girls. I swear when Mr. Porter's chapter was beginning, I was sure that he was going to make sexual advances towards her or something. I still don't understand WHY he's the unlucky thirteenth. He did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DESERVE THAT AGONY.

And yet....... I liked the book. I like what's going on (or what was going on, thanks to you, Hannah) between Clay and her. The anticipation building up to her first kiss, how hurt she feels when her first boyfriend betrays her and shatters all her magical dreams, that hurtful list she had to go through, which was not only offending, but also became the final straw to end her friendship with her one true friend in school, The Peeping Tom incident which grossed her out and made her feel unsafe, how guilty she feels when she cannot save a life when she could have, by easily calling the police, or how she could have saved that same friend from getting raped, how some jerk stole off her poem, where she explored some of her deepest emotions, which she herself hadn't managed to decipher, how she feels used because boys ask her out because they think they can get her laid, I get all of that.
I understand that she must have felt really hurt and betrayed, that she must have developed major trust issues which caused her to resist opening up to the perfect guy when she should have. Those things definitely must have scarred her.
Imagine yourself hiding in the closet while your ex-best friend gets raped. Imagine the torture you'd go through when you realize that you could have VERY easily stopped it but you didn't because...no reason. You don't even have a reason! Those things definitely did hurt. 
I won't start on Hannah herself getting raped, because I think she brought that on herself, by going into the tub with a known rapist, by not stopping him when he touched her, by letting him take advantage of a girl YET AGAIN.
So what I am saying is that, I couldn't stop reading the book, because I felt really sorry for Hannah, and got disappointed with each story, because everyone she stumbled into kept hurting her some way or the other.

But none, I repeat, NONE, of the reasons were worthy enough of killing herself. I say that with complete knowledge and recollection of the fact that she was raped, but this was the TWELFTH reason, this was after she had already made up her mind, and just wanted a reason to give up, and so she set herself up. So it doesn't count. 

All in all, I'll say that I think you should read the book, because as unbelievable as the reasons when you realize that they are what led to a girl killing herself, the stories are very real when you think of high school life. The author captures most emotions beautifully. The cruelty, the nasty rumors and how people react to them has been shown perfectly .If only Hannah had fought through and hadn't decided to give up.
Most of all, the book made me call a friend that I hadn't called up in a long while. We talk on WhatsApp, the friend calls me sometimes, and we meet in school, but this book made me call her, when I hadn't wanted to in a long, long time. Because suddenly, I realized that I continue to have a major impact in the lives of people around me, and especially those who are closest to me.
One sweet word here, another compliment there, really can lighten a sorry soul.

When you have to leave a book you REALLY love halfway..

It cuts you like a sharp, incisive knife. You feel blood oozing off of your body, while your mind is on all fours, trying to grasp the wonderful story, the beautiful characters as they run away, without even a backward glance, just laughing at how you will never ever know. The worst part is that you don't even realize they're gone before they're beyond hearing your tortured screams, asking them to come back, wanting to know those things that you missed, those events that the circumstances were building up to, that conclusion they were all supposed to reach....
Also, you realize that you really are as fucking careless as others deem you to be.

So here's my sad story- I was on my way to Delhi, to give my SATs ('how did your exam go?' I understand the reader must be asking him/herself. Well, to be very frank I don't really know. I mean, on an exam that gives you negative marks on wrong answers, you're supposed to practice abstinence. You're supposed to NOT guess- at least, not many questions. But that's exactly what I did, being the obsessive, idiotic answers-filler that I am (is that even a term? I don't know, but it definitely should be. And I'll be the paradigm, whose idiocy everyone will try to match. Not. Also, did I just introduce a bracket within a bracket? That's not some grammar folly is it?). I guessed my way through a lot many Error IDs and sentence completions. Now, I understand that the Princeton Review writers suggested that I should first use the Process of Elimination and if I can narrow down my choices, I must choose an answer because if it turns out to be right, I gain one, and if it turns out to be wrong, I lose a quarter. If you look at it from that perspective, it's ludicrous not to choose.  But then comes the sudden, horrific realization, when you're done with your paper, that you left ONLY TWO QUESTIONS BLANK. *not-cool-not-cool-not-cool* goes your heartbeat, but you can do nothing about it. And honestly, the test is so long and yet the time at hand so less that you end up with a long list of 'I should/shouldn't haves' at the end of your paper. Sadly, all I can do now, is wait and see if I am actually pretty lucky and smart, or really the obsessive, idiotic answers-filler.) I had to spend the night in the train, and you should know that I hate sleeping in trains at night. The perpetual palpitation and the faces (mostly legs, actually) of strangers sleeping (snoring) away near you are just not my idea of an idyllic place to sleep. So I always pack a novel to spend my nights with. This time I was supposed to be cramming last minute SAT words, and revising the tips, some math formulae and stuff like that. But I didn't. Instead, ignoring my mom's advice, I took 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green, a book I've been meaning to read since forever, and which was delivered at my doorstep four days before I was scheduled to leave (Somebody up there wanted me to read that book, trust you me. Sadly..somebody up there also wanted what happened next..) So there I was, devouring the nuances of Alaska (and the Colonel. Oh, I loved the Colonel). I reached the almost-going-to-fall-asleep stage by the time you-know-who you-know-what-ed (This is for the benefit of you, dear readers, who are crazy not to have read it by now). I was way too emotionally drained to continue so I fell asleep, I vividly remember, right after I kept the book safely inside my mother's purse (a large Baggit, which I always keep next to me in trains because I never sleep at night, so it's safe that way). I woke up minutes before the train was to reach Delhi, so I had no time to continue reading, also not when we were in the car, on our way to my brother's place which is almost a two-and-a-half hours drive from the station, as I fell asleep. Upon reaching, I was too busy with my brother and sister-in-law to even think about the book. Come night though, I suddenly remembered the poignant part where I'd left my beloved characters, in their unendurable agony. I rushed to them, trapped inside my mom's ginormous purse, but ALAS, they weren't there! The purse was devoid of my beautiful book. I couldn't believe it.. I KEPT IT THERE! I searched the entire house, obviously, but they were nowhere to be found..Alaska, The Colonel, Pudge.. where were they??! 
Of course, everyone refuses to believe that I actually kept the book. They think I left it in the train. Seriously? They don't know me. I can leave behind my iPod, I can leave behind a bomb, I can leave behind the fricking Kohinoor (that is, of course, if David Cameron agrees to return what is ours..) BUT I CANNOT LEAVE BEHIND A BOOK, A STORY I AM INVOLVED IN, CHARACTERS I AM IN LOVE WITH! I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T! (Trying to emulate Nina Dobrev from the Vampire Diaries. As much as I hate her guts for choosing Damon over Stefan, I have to agree that Elena does the 'I can't I can't I can't pretty good.)
Of course, I can never ever find out the end on Wikipedia, ever. 
So now I sit here, tortured, as the people at HomeShop18 keep sending me over incompetent message after the other, saying they're trying to get their hands on the book from here, and there, because they are out of stock! Why, oh WHY, are you doing this to me God? I hate reading PDF files on the computer..but if they can't retrieve it in a week, tops, I am gonna be reduced to that, I am sure.
I give it a week's time, because to occupy myself I have a rather great substitute called 'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn. I know, I know, it's the book everyone's talking about, the book people ask you to read just so they can discuss it with you, according to Independent, and I have to agree, so far, it's been a pretty intriguing read. I am assuming Amy is not REALLY dead but who knows? I've heard the conclusion is supposed to shatter you and make you wanna re-read the book for all the clues you missed. I am hoping the book does that for me too! 
A review coming your way soon, my readers..
Please pray for me..pray that my beautiful characters, trapped inside that one hell of a book, are returned to me, before I am done with Gone Girl..