The joy of coming home

I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming home
Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes
I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming home.

As lame as it may sound, I had planned that I would listen to this song as my train would be nearing Varanasi, and listen to it I did. It was amazing! I could see a few of the people who were travelling with me give me a 'What's wrong with you?' look but I didn't care because he'll, I WAS coming home.

So many songs, so many novels, so many movies. I now understand why Shah Rukh Khan was so damned happy when he got off the plane in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham! Though I was quite a bit disappointed when my mother didn't welcome me with a thaali as I neared the apartment. But she did give me cold coffee. And bread! SANDWICH. Oh, how I missed sandwiches. I am such a lazy ass in my PG that I haven't even made Maggie once. I buy Cup Noodles so all I have to do is heat the water (technically, even THAT the microwave takes care of.)  Anyway, here are just a few of the things that have really made me appreciate home:

• A BATHROOM WHICH DOESN'T KILL MY WILL TO GET UP IN THE MORNING- Don't get me wrong, it's not like I live with those dirty, dirty guys from Delhi Belly. In fact, I am lucky that I actually like my roommates. But the point is, five girls sharing one bathroom is not the best.(I live with two girls but share a bathroom with four.) It's actually the worst. I hate hair in the drain, and there's ALWAYS hair in the drain (okay maybe not always, but even once in the day is enough to gross the hell out of you!). I don't like waiting when I have to you-know-what but I have to, quite a few times. I like a big mirror where I can see a bit more than my face but oh no, I have to make an effort to even see my neck properly. I HATE when water splashes over all my clothes when all I want to do is wash my face in the sink, but hell, that also happens. At home- No hair ever, take a shower as long as you want to and no one knocks (Wait, my mom does knock but I can ask her for Five more minutes like a million times), A BIG MIRROR so you can actually see how you look! Oh and let's not forget, you don't have to take your stuff with you to the bathroom because there is space for all your stuff and then some. Oh bathroom, how I love you.
• GHAR KA KHANA- I can't even believe I am going to say this but yes, there does come a point in life when the thought of eating out doesn't make you happy. The smell of chauki hui daal is better than the smell of say, a pizza? (Just for the time being, pizza. Trust me, my love for you is infinite. Please don't be angry with me?) I am guilty of asking my mother to make green vegetables for me. I may have been sad when there were no cabbages in the house. I don't want to embarrass myself more, you get the point. Roti-sabzi FTW!
• SLEEPING GHODE BECH KE- My routine ever since I have been back home is sleeping at 6 in the morning and waking up at 2, lazing around all day long and repeat. Literally. And on the rare days that I have to get up at inhuman hours in the morning, I can still sleep soundly knowing my mother will wake me up. (My roommate, the angel that she is, does wake me up in the morning but sometimes she forgets- even when I am sleeping next to her. You would think that is impossible but it's not. Later, she called me from college to wake me up. Once she didn't do that either and I ended up missing college. Which reminds me, NO FUCKING COLLEGE TO WAKE UP FOR.)
• FAMILIAR SURROUNDINGS- This is probably one of my favorites. I know where everything is, I know who everyone is, and everyone knows who I am. I don't mind saying Namaste aunty a million times when I go downstairs. In fact, it's so weird that the people I avoided before seem like such amazing people to spend time with. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I don't think that's about it. It's just the feeling that I belong here, with these wonderfully weird people. Need to get a rainbow patterned kite? I know just where the shop is.
• COMMUTING PROBLEM? UM, WHAT'S THAT?- What? I need to go from Greater Kailash to Sarita Vihar? Okay what's the nearest metro station? Commuting charges? THESE QUESTIONS DON'T MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? I have a car. I have a driver. Moreover, Benares is in probably in a smaller radius than South Delhi. When people in Delhi tell you some place isn't far off, bas bagal me hai, it can take you anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. In Benares? If someone says some place isn't far off, you can be sure that if you miss it, it's probably because you pass it in like two seconds.
• MONEY MANAGEMENT? WHATEVER- No more going to Reliance Fresh with a budget in mind, crossing stuff off of a list, buying yogurt and milk, coffee and iced tea, Tang and Cup Noodles, because everything is already taken care of at home. No more thinking twice before buying anything (except maybe something like an iPhone 6) because you're at home, you can always ask for more when you're done. (My mom does give me killer looks, but I give her my puppy face right back!) Besides, what exactly do you need to spend money on? Bahar ka khana has almost lost all its appeal, you don't need to go grocery shopping, no spending on commuting. Basically, absolutely nothing. Except books. ALWAYS BOOKS!
• NO DAILY CHORES- No washing personal utensils when you eat Maggie, or collecting your clothes from the rack after they've been washed. No cleaning your bed or your table, or you room. No going to Mother Dairy to get milk every evening. At home, you can just sit back, relax and let everything come to you. #LikeABoss
• BENARES!!!!- This is unique only to people from Benares. I missed watching cows and pigs on the road, hearing people yell at each other in Bhojpuri, going up to people and talking to them in HINDI, for a change, and just the unique something that people in Benares are just born with.
• THE HOUSE ITSELF- I have lived in the same house ever since I have had coherent memories. I could easily walk in it in the dark without bumping into anything (much). When I came home, I almost felt like the furniture was also smiling at me. Oh, Drawing room, dining room, kitchen, balcony, I love you too.
• MAMMA- This is the best thing about coming home. Home is home because of you mamma. Stressed? Depressed? Happy? Excited? A mom hug is always needed. :')

Present and Future

Lately my hands have been itching a lot more than they should. I have been posting a lot more on Facebook than I ought to. I actually THOUGHT of my Twitter account, which has only ever served the purpose of easy celebrity stalking. (Can you believe the celebrity I stalk the most is Lucy Hale? That girl would definitely be my best friend if we knew each other in real life. She is almost as weird as Yashwi which is saying a lot if you know Yashwi.) But I knew matters were very serious when the thought of a journal crossed my mind. All of this could only mean one thing.
It meant that I hadn't written anything in a long long time. 
My last post dates back to December 2013 for crying out loud. I am obviously not counting the endless WhatsApp and Facebook Messenger conversations my mom would more than happily vouch for.
Anyway, let's get to insanely happy things. I am pretty sure I was pulled back into the literary world because all my literary dreams have come true! (Okay they have started to. Baby steps.) I got into Shaheed Bhagat Singh College, Delhi University in English Honors. ENGLISH HONORS!!!!! ENGGGLIIIISSSSHHHH HONOOOORRRRSSSS. It is only what I have wanted since I had enough sense to know what I want. And get this, I read the course structure online and the first thing we will read is Pride and Prejudice. Um, does the fact that I will get to read my favorite classic in the beginning of college year point out that I am in fact on the right direction in life? Obviously yes.
And I am insanely in love with Dilli. (Dilli sounds more beautiful than Delhi doesn't it? I feel it captures the unique beauty of the city effectively. Delhi sounds too catty.) I met this journalist in the train and she gave me some beautiful advice (which I think is why God made us cross paths. What difference did I make in her life.. I wonder.) She told me Dilli is the best place on earth if you follow her rules. If Dilli asks you to beware of idiots, beware. If Dilli asks you to get back home by 10, get back home by 10. Do whatever the hell you want, but stay inside the frame. I can be all idealistic and go "why can't I roam around when boys do it all the time?" but it is tantamount to venturing into a jungle without weapons, a jungle full of terribly dangerous animals. And that is exactly what people capable of hurting others are. Terribly dangerous animals. They are not boys, they are not human. Come on, they are unable to control their desires in the face of bare flesh. They even proudly admit to it (We only rape you cause you show us your skin) Excuse me? Not. Human. 
In case you are wondering, not all of it was her. She gave the Dilli and rules thing, but as you might have noticed I have this habit of rambling on. Anyway it struck a chord somewhere and this is one rule I plan on following. (At least for now. I cannot say what I will do when my friends go clubbing at night. Pepper spray!!!! Wait. Did this nullify the entire paragraph?) 

Also, I am at a point in my life where the only thing worse than staying at home is leaving and the only thing worse than leaving is staying at home. I can't leave home but I can't stay here. How the fuck do people do it? Hundreds of thousands of people do it every year. Hell, people I know closely are doing it. How? I shudder to think of the moment when I leave here, knowing that I am leaving. Frustratingly, I also shudder to think of a scenario where I abandon all this, get into BHU, and realize I will be stuck here for another five years. 
Is this how it is supposed to feel? Such contradicting problems that there is just no solution. 
I am hoping I find my way soon, very soon, like everyone apparently does. 

My boring routine. And test jitters.

It's kind of amazing how bored yet busy you can be in life.- Shambhavi Rai 

Here's a lowdown of my schedule these past few weeks-
12/1/2 (!!!!) pm- Wake up
12/1/2 to 3 pm- Waste time on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, eat something, listen to your mom rant about wasting time, not necessarily in that order.
3-5 pm*- Study. Get interrupted by WhatsApp messages, or Facebook messages, but never turn your phone off, also keep studying. If it's on silent, keep checking for new messages/notifications every few minutes, then go back to studying
5-6 pm- Take a break because oh my god, I've studied for two whole hours (ignore the small interruptions)
6-8 pm- Catch up on the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother/The Originals/New Girl/Modern Family/The Vampire Diaries, analyse the entire episode with reviews on Wetpaint, watch promos for the next episode, read a few Wikipedia bios of guest stars.
8-9 pm- Study again. Interruptions included, OBVIOUSLY.
9-10 pm- Bigg boss, bigg boss, bigg boooooossssss. (Sing it, guys!) Gauhar and Kushal FTW.
10-11 pm**-Talk to mom, which more often than not includes some lecture about not studying. Love you though <3 font="">
11-4/5 am- Study. With interruptions. Do I really need to say it?
4-5 or 5-5:30 am- Catch up BuzzFeed, Cracked, Flipboard, Slate, Jezebel. I am an aspiring writer and all that no?
5/5:30-12/1/2 pm (!!!!)- Sleep! Oh I love thou, slumber.

*On alternate days, I endure my Maths and Accounts tutors for those two hours.
**On Fridays and Saturdays, I watch 24 (the Indian version. Shut your face if you want to say something about plagiarism. I absolutely LOVE that show.)

So I am hoping you can judge by my wonderful routine how I am going to be acing all my tests. I have two Subject Tests (aka SAT II. Most 'good' colleges require them.) on 7th of December. Like the oh-so-responsible person I deem myself to be, I forgot to register. Because it's completely normal and forgivable to forget what you've kind of been preparing for since three-four months no? No.
I am waitlisted now and I am absolutely terrified that I MAY return from the test center without giving the actual tests.
Pray for me, anyone and everyone reading this.
In another scenarios, if I am admitted to the tests after all I'll actually have to give them. What's more scary, I am thinking.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I am so so scared even though contrary to what my routine may suggest, though studying-hours-with-interruptions have prepared me enough to pass with respectable scores, I think. I hate test jitters seriously. In fact, before all important tests I always start to freak out and end up studying on the last day because I have to keep distracting myself with other things to stop myself from well, I can't think of a better term than freaking the fuck out! 
And that actually sucks a lot more when you consider that I am procrastinator, as a result of which I always make a 'prepare on last day' compartment in my mind for a few things. For example, some volumes and areas formulae for the Math Level 1 Subject test. I have to properly learn them on 6th, which is tomorrow (technically today but it's not the next day unless you sleep, right?) and I am just going to be thinking- What's gonna happen? What if I don't know anything? What if it's completely different from the practice papers? What if I am not allowed to even sit for the test??????????????????????

Like I said, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssse pray.
And fans of One Direction, I am from the same family. Pray for a fellow directioner? :)

Also, can I just take a minute and talk about Paul Walker? I know for a fact that I hate seeing new RIP Paul Walker posts on my news feed each day because it just reminds me of the tragedy so I hate to do it to someone else but I need to get it out that I loved that guy. Honest to God, I loved the Fast series because of him. I am just ashamed to admit that I didn't know much about him except his all-encompassing good looks and charm prior to his death. He was raising funds for Philippines practically MINUTES before he died. He was into marine biology, he was a surfer, a professional racer and more than all that, an amazing father. All his interviews about Meadow Walker are so adorable.
I am sure he is watching over her from wherever he is now.
Rest in peace you beautiful soul :)
Also, I don't have much to say about the guy who died with him, Roger Rodas, because he wasn't a 'celebrity' so people don't really know (or care to know, sadly.) much about him. From what little I found out, he was a father of two and his 8-year old tried to save him, after he saw the car wrecked. That's absolutely heartbreaking. I know I didn't know of his existence before he tragically passed away, yet I want to say Rest in Peace, Roger Rodas.

Things that annoy me

Yes I suck for not posting more often, but can we get back to that later?
I am super duper bugged about something right now (wow, did that really sound as 2nd grade as I think it did?)
So we got our first semester results today. I was expecting something in 70s (which was bad enough as it is because it's 12th. You can't be a scholar your entire life and get casual in your senior year because the rest of it really doesn't MATTER.) so I was pretty cool when my entire class had hoarded our class teacher for a glimpse of the result (which by the way, they were going to get anyway. What was the point, guys?) but then my result was announced and I was.......not so cool after that.
I got 5-bloody-8%. You read that right. 58.
And the worst part? I actually deserve it. That right there is what is annoying the HELL out of me. Okay so I missed two tests, I had SAT to worry about and then I enrolled in this dance workshop and took part in Teachers Day but those are just what they sound like! Excuses! I know a lot of people who do so much more and yet manage to score a lot more. Heck, I used to do much more and score a lot more. What happened to me? 
I'll tell you what. I just didn't study. Really, that's the bottom line. I remember opening the Economics book one day before the test was scheduled, just because. I remember literally laughing at how abhorrently unprepared I was for the Accounts test. I remember how I totally gave up on Maths. I remember how I got 67/100 in ENGLISH. (Okay, very very frankly, that may have something to do with my teacher who hates me for no reason. I gave her reasons later to hate me more, but only AFTER it was established that she hated me. But do you take your anger out on a student's marks? That is so petty.) Anyway ENGLISH. My knight in shining armor, my Elixir of life, and it kicked me right in the face. The subject that surprisingly saved me is Business, the subject that annoys me the most ironically. 
In short I remember how extremely casually I took all the tests, and the results more than show.
True, the reason I took these tests casually was because I thought in the long run they really didn't matter, so what's the point? 
That still holds true BUT GRDGKDGWARFTWDEAWDSGDDFHDTE. I can't handle such marks. 
I know I sound completely vain and insipid right now but bear with me Blogger!

So anyway I have come up with the conclusion that marks may not matter in the long run but they do matter in the short run and that it's embarrassing the fuck out of me. Also, the worst part is that now whenever mom tells me to study I can't go all 'Just see my marks' because my marks are sadly no longer worth seeing.
Yashwi being a total darling reminded me there are mocks and two pre-boards left to study hard for and she's right but........oh my god WHY didn't I study? 
Why why why?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

I am done, I think. For the moment at least. 

Let's talk about some other things that annoy me to no end. Exhibit A, our school is conducting the half yearly exams of every class except 12th right now and as a result the students of different buses are combined while going back home, as the other students have already left. (Believe me that boring piece of information was necessary.) So anyway, a few days ago I entered the bus and sat on the second last seat like always when this teacher, who goes by some other bus but who was sitting in my bus because of the aforementioned combining of the buses, tells me to sit in front because it's a new rule that girls can't sit at the back. Excuse me, but what the fuck? I point blank refused of course. But it's been annoying me ever since anyway because IT'S THE 21ST CENTURY! What do you mean girls aren't "allowed" to sit at the back? Why the hell not? And to think that she herself is a female. It is beyond me how people find it in themselves to utter such rubbish. I was so prepared to fight her every day, I actually wanted her to take me to the co-ordinator (though I was pretty sure she wouldn't because it cannot be a rule, so what would be her grounds?) but sadly, and very annoyingly again, I couldn't go to school the next two days. The first day I missed my bus, and the second day my alarm didn't ring. (No I didn't secretly put it on silent to miss school like I sometimes do so mom won't hear it. I don't know why it happened. Maybe God wanted me to sleep?) and when today I went to school she didn't come!
Please god please, make sure our buses are combined on Monday because I SO want to make sure she knows I know what's allowed and what's not.

The other thing that's annoying me is that I am so indecisive about my future right now. October 2 is the last date for registering for SAT Subject Tests and I still can't decide if I want to sit the tests or not. I can't decide if I want to join CLAT coaching classes or not.
I decided against the coaching classes because I wanted to concentrate on 12th but we all know how THAT turned out, huh? :(
(on a side note, Blogspot, you need Emojis! Just a shoutout in the blogspot universe, let's hope someone notices it)

So any curious reader (who has managed to read thus far into this post, thankyou very much) must be wondering what exactly I am doing when I am not studying and/or doing anything else of any relevance? Well, I have come across this gem of a series that has given my life a new meaning. It is super mega foxy awesome. It's Community. Also, How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, New Girl, and Glee are back. Not to mention Vampire Diaries will be back on October 2 (THE ORIGINAL PREMIERE GUYSSS) and then there's the Pretty Little Liars Halloween special on October 22 (RAVENSWOOD TOO, YOU GUYSSSS.) 
Spoiler alert- A detailed TV obsession post coming soon..

Now just tell me, how am I supposed to find time to study? 
I know I know, it's just a matter of time before my mom pulls the plug and I shall be left in a TV-WhatsApp-Instagram-less universe. 
I won't say novels because if even I am left without novels I shall quite simply cease to exist. Which reminds me, I am FINALLY reading To Kill  A Mockingbird which is such a great book! Everything they say about it is true true true. Once I am done, I'll dedicate an entire post to it.
On a related note, is it a sin to not like The Catcher in the Rye? Because I found it so utterly boring I had to force myself through each page. Why are people so obsessed with it again? Holden Caulfield is the phoniest person alive yet everything anyone does is phony to him. The most irritating thing was that everything 'killed' him. That killed me. (Was that hypocritical?)

Oh oh oh..it's Bigg Boss time.
Yes, you can all guess how much my poor result has affected me. 
*Ashamed*
Laters, baby. 
(You still suck E.L. James)